Events

T-SQL That Doesn't Suck: Real-World Patterns for Faster, Smarter Queries

TRAINING DAY (Day 1)

This session walked attendees through the real world query problems that quietly haunt OLTP systems—and how to fix them without rewriting the whole app. Erik Darling and I teamed up to tackle these challenges together.

We dissected the subtle stuff that tanks performance: implicit conversions, sneaky NULL logic, non-sargable filters, and joins that don't do what you think they do. Attendees compared EXISTS to JOINs, untangled OR conditions, and learned when EXCEPT and INTERSECT save you from disaster.

We explored where views go off the rails, when temp tables and table variables shine, and how to modify data in a way that won't make your DBA cry. Along the way, attendees learned to leverage window functions, cross apply, and patterns for parameterization that hold up under pressure.

By the end, attendees knew exactly how to refactor messy code into queries that are easier to understand, debug, and evolve—without sacrificing intent or introducing subtle bugs.

Advanced T-SQL Triage: The Art of Fixing Terrible Code

TRAINING DAY (Day 2)

Attendees explored the real world mysteries of advanced T-SQL: the strange, the slow, and the occasionally cursed. Erik Darling and I guided our class through a varied set of tough real-world problems and solutions.

We tackled tangled paging logic, rescued window functions and indexed views from spools and spills, and finally learned when to keep a CTE—and when to yeet it. We refactored data modifications that block like linebackers, decoded procedural patterns, and wrote dynamic SQL that's powerful and polite.

We covered when to CROSS APPLY, dug into views vs. inline TVFs, and discovered why RIGHT JOIN is not simply LEFT JOIN's syntactic twin. Attendees learned when user-defined functions wreck query execution plans—and how to rewrite them with flair.

With fast demos, big laughs, and a glorious cheat sheet to take home, attendees left knowing that refactoring SQL isn't just necessary—it's super fun when you're in the right party.

SQL Server RDS Starter Kit

Regular conference session

I presented a crash course on Amazon RDS for SQL Server—built specifically for folks who know how to run an instance, but want the inside scoop on what changes in RDS-land.

We covered what instance types pay off for different workloads and whether RDS Custom is worth the extra baggage it brings. Attendees learned what Multi-AZ really protects them from (and what it doesn't), how read replicas behave in practice, and how to make the most of them without over-engineering.

We also explored the odd little world of parameter groups, backups, and a few MSDB quirks that could leave you scratching your head. By the end, attendees knew what RDS is good at, what it isn't, and how to navigate it all without waking hidden dragons.

Practical Guide to Performance Tuning Internals

TRAINING DAY

Whether you're aiming to be the next great query tuning wizard or you simply need to tackle tough business problems at work, you need to understand what makes a workload run fast—and especially what makes it run slowly.

Erik Darling and I showed attendees the practical way forward, introducing them to SQL Server's internal subsystems with a practical guide to their capabilities, weaknesses, and most importantly what they need to know to troubleshoot them as developers or DBAs. We taught attendees how to use their understanding of the database engine, the storage engine, and the query optimizer to analyze problems and identify what is a nothingburger best practice and what changes will pay off with measurable improvements.

With a blend of bad jokes, expertise, and proven strategies, we set attendees up with practical skills and a clear understanding of how to apply these lessons to see immediate improvements in their own environments.

Query Quest: Conquer SQL Server Performance Monsters

TRAINING DAY

Picture this: a day crammed with fun, fascinating demonstrations for SQL Server and Azure SQL. This wasn't your typical training day; this session followed the mantra of "learning by doing," with a good dose of the unexpected.

Think of this as a SQL Server video game, where Erik Darling and I guided attendees through levels of weird query monsters and performance tuning obstacles. By the time we reached the final boss, attendees had developed an appetite for exploring the unknown and leveled up their confidence to tackle even the most daunting of database dilemmas. It's SQL Server, but not as you know it—more fun, more fascinating, and more scalable than you thought possible.

Performance Tuning Secrets: Learn from My Mistakes

TRAINING DAY

I flipped the typical performance tuning session upside down, building it around my actual experiences triaging hundreds of SQL Server problems—not from a list of concepts that's been done many times before.

We delved into real-world stories and practical advice for tuning SQL Server on-prem and in the cloud. Attendees learned essential concepts like wait stats and query plans, along with an array of free tools, all approached from a practical perspective—focusing on instances where I made mistakes or where alternative approaches might not have been apparent.

The session emphasized moving from a reactive mindset to a strategic one. We explored how to properly performance-tune and build robust solutions that create safer, more stable environments—minimizing the need for constant reaction. Attendees learned how to approach performance questions pragmatically using free, open-source tools and how to identify root causes that deliver measurable improvements.

Git and GitHub for Database Pros

Regular conference session

I taught attendees how to use Git and GitHub for database development and deployment.

Attendees learned how to create repositories, track changes with commits and branches, and collaborate using pull requests and code reviews. We covered why additional tooling helps keep dev and production databases in sync with version control.